I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
