I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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