His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
