I accidentally burped into my bong.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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