Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
