i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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