Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
