i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
