i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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