we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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