Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
