It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
