He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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