two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
