Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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