have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am midnight drunk by noon
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
