Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
