Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
