TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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