So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
