Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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