how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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