Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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