Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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