remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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