I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
