I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
3 2 1 whiskey
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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