you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
