Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
