worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
