I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
