Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
