Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
