cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
