i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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