I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
