Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
