I need help removing her.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
