i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
