i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
