just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
