I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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