More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
