I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
