My nipple is on Facebook.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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