his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
