she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
