Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
