If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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