He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
