when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
